Final Reflections...

As we wrap up our time at SI, I can't help but think about all that we have accomplished and struggled with and questioned and written and discussed and pondered (and eaten) in the past three weeks. I have grown personally in two different areas:

1) I have grown as a teacher...
Perhaps the most obvious of categories, I feel as though SI has reminded me of practices/strategies/activities I am doing right and challenged me to revise those that aren't working. I am looking forward to using some of the texts and ideas from our demos as I start a new stage in my teaching career as a First-Year Writing instructor. I want my students to tackle single stories and memoir writing, dictation and big ideas, creative reading and good vs. bad writing, theme songs and figured worlds. I've also been reminded that I, as a teacher of writing, need to continue to reflect constantly not only on my big picture plan and purpose but also on my students, who they are and who they want to be.

2) I have grown as a writer...
I am still working toward my M.A. in English Literature and therefore think like a grad student. However, Lil was my partner during Tonya's demo and really challenged me to rethink a paper I had already received an A on. Through the encouragement of my peers during SI, I have reconnected with my writing self. Yes, I am great at writing literary analyses and reflections - my academic writing has always been a huge part of my identity as a writer. But, because of our work over the past several weeks, I have revised my understanding of Sarah Davis as a writer. I am determined to continue working on my mentored memoir piece, which allows me to write creative non-fiction in a way I actually enjoy! I also hope to revise my writing process - to give myself more time to mull over anything I compose and to make changes (even if I change them again later).

Thank you to all of my #unccwp colleagues for pushing me to grow as a teacher and a writer. I have enjoyed our time together and hope to continue working with your wonderful brains and hearts for many years to come!

Be the Change You Want to See in the World

"Before SI, we were lousy teachers.
We stood up in the front like Baptist preachers.
Our student evals were in the tank.
The students told us we really stank.

Be the change. Be the change. Be the change. Be the change.

SI taught us how to write with our peeps.
Now Baptist preachin' gives us the creeps.
Process, revision, creating without locks -
Now we're thinkin' outside the box!

Be the change. Be the change. Be the change. Be the change."

So, Robin's demo today was a wonderful reminder of the diverse set of stories we are introduced to with each new year of teaching. I have always loved language and culture and social history, but sometimes I forget that the past is still very present. While I cannot begin to understand what all of my students have experienced, I can share my heart and my mistakes and my struggles with them (Thanks, Wendy!). Relationships in my classroom are vital, and I pride myself on being able to relate to and establish trust with students from all backgrounds. However, I still need to create space in my classroom for acknowledging and appreciating just how unique my students are. I am planning to reinvent the introduction to my prejudice unit (To Kill a Mockingbird, The Merchant of Venice, I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings) to include a personal multi-genre/multi-modal "presentation" of some kind where students can share their past experiences with prejudice/discrimination. Hopefully these presentations will also serve as a springboard for the inquiry project students complete at the end of the unit. Thank you, Robin, for passionately sharing a piece of your story and for inspiring me to keep my eyes, ears, and heart open!

Personal History Affecting Writing

During Meredith's fun and effective demo today, I realized - once again - that my writing is (forever and always) affected by my personal experiences and passions. My first scene was focused in the 1930s, during the Great Depression, in the United States. I pictured a farmer taking a load of crops to market, traveling on a long and dusty road in tattered clothing. My second scene described a Roman soldier on horseback overlooking a valley in which two armies faced one another. After a moment of silence, the warriors rushed toward one another, and a battle began. Finally, the scene based on the third musical score saw a young woman and her black dog in a lime-green Ford Fiesta on a roadtrip across the Plains States. Out of one window, the dog's nose could be seen; out of the other, the girl hung her hand and waved it in the wind.

All three of these pieces are a combination of my past, present, and future. I love history; I double-majored (English and History Ed) in undergrad and can never remove my fascination with times gone-by from my writing. The Great Depression and Roman solider prove that my mind is constantly thinking about events, people, places that were once - and may still be - significant. I want to read and teach and analyze literature through a historical lens for the rest of my life! The third scene is closer to my own story. When I was in sixth-grade, my family moved across the country from Washington to Virginia, traveling through states like Wyoming, South Dakota, and Iowa to get to our new home. Before we moved, my 6' 7" tall dad drove a lime-green Fiesta we nicknamed "Pookie" (like "book"). These memories, along with my current puppy child, melted together into a pseudo-story of my life.

As I write more and more during SI, I am reminded of just how much our own stories influence the words we put on paper. Lil really drove home this point today when she talked about tapping into our students' wells of narratives and lived experiences. And as I continue to write my "Mentored Memoir," I am attempting to tap into my own well, to use the memories that are there - either just below the surface or buried deep - as inspiration to continue exploring, both myself and the world around me.

Demo Day!

My day really started on Sunday night, as I finished my final preparations for Monday's demo. (I must admit that while I was excited to "teach" again, I was not thrilled to be prepping for a lesson during the summer.) The demo seemed to go well; everyone participated and laughed - always a good sign! But the most significant conversation/reflection started on Skype after my demo. Lacy was struggling to put her question into words. She was worried about restricting purpose and audience to a simple statement; she wanted to challenge S.O.A.P.S. as boxes on a rubric, to think about the "why" and "how" and "so what" behind the writer's purpose and audience. This led her to share an article with me (which I still need to read in its entirety). As I was reading, I noticed that Derrida and his deconstruction-circle theory were prevalent - suddenly, my mind was racing with connections! I started to think about Spivak and postcolonial theory, one of my true passions, and to apply Lacy's thoughts to my background in cultural and ethnic studies. We both began to rant in tandem! I loved the feeling of bouncing ideas and random thoughts off of each other. Our energies seemed to join together, and our tiny Skype pencils were moving constantly, as we tripped over each other to share our frustrations and views. What an amazing conversation! One of the things that I love most about SI is being reminded that writing and thinking sometimes occur best in the presence of other minds. (Riffing, anyone?!) Thanks, Lacy!

Crying into the Mic...

Writing is...
a piece of my soul
a picture of my world
personal
emotional

I don't want...
to share
to show weakness
pity
awkwardness

w
o
r
d
s
.
.
.

t
e
a
r
s
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.
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What now?

Creative Reading

I was fascinated by Ron Padgett's ideas for creative reading. We always talk about creative writing and the relationship between writing and reading, so why not try creative reading?! When we first started this activity, I must admit that I was slightly annoyed by and skeptical about the purpose of skipping or repeating lines. But, as I worked through some of the other strategies, I began to realize that we were essentially deconstructing the text, removing (transferring?) the meaning from the words on the page and interpreting the piece through a new, unique perspective.

My favorite reading ideas were the stencil and the trickle down. I wish I had had a hard copy of "No Kinda Sense" because I wanted to create my own poem with Delpit's story, but I did create my very own heart-shaped stencil. As I moved my little blue stencil across and up and down the page, I tried to ignore the urge to move it from left to right like a magnifying glass. Instead I paused and really concentrated on the words inside the heart shape, trying to make a connection among them that related to my understanding of the text. I appreciated the fact that the stencil forced me to really slow down and focus on the words as individual units rather than an entire sentence or paragraph. I realized just how carefully writers choose their words, just how much a seemingly insignificant three- or four-letter unit can change the implication of a sentence - possibly even a whole story. Sometimes we miss the trees for the forest...

Distractions...

I made the mistake of responding to my peers' blogs before writing my own, so I have few new ideas to post here. Instead, I will simply say that today has been one of distractions for me. During lunch, I got an email that led to a "discussion" with my husband about finances (never a fun topic). I couldn't concentrate on our inquiry time because I was checking our account and playing with numbers, worried about when paychecks come and when bills are due. My brain is tired and stretched (in a good way) from the extraordinary amount of information we have chewed and swallowed and tried to digest over the past week. I haven't been sleeping well because we are trying to keep our AC higher than normal. I got another email reminding me of important things I still need to do this weekend (other than prep for my demo) for some grant writing I am organizing...

I am not posting this for sympathy or to vent; I have absolutely nothing to complain about (mine are first-world problems). I am simply attempting to be honest about my thinking and writing. In trying to come up with something clever or brilliant to say in this post, I am reminded of my students who have true distractions in their lives that sometimes keep them from writing when prompted or turning in an assignment or even being able to learn for that day or week or month or year. One of my students was the eldest of six, and when his father had a near-fatal heart attack, he was left to help his mom around the house with his younger siblings. One of my students had a mother who was constantly drunk or high and could not bring her daughter to school on time, forcing her to miss my first period class consistently and eventually fail. One of my students came from a family that sometimes could not put enough food on the table or buy a winter coat. One of my students watched her mom pass away before being forced to move to a different school because of a custody battle. These are the "distractions" that I need to watch for as I attempt to be the most effective and compassionate teacher that I can be, the distractions I need to be sensitive about before I automatically snap at a lazy student or a sleeping student or a late student. Yes, teenagers will manipulate the system. Yes, students will lie to your face. But I can at least try to give them the benefit of the doubt before narrating their lives with one story...

Sir Francis "Bringing Home the" Bacon

Sally asked us to reflect a bit after her Socratic Seminar demo today and to explain how Bacon's piece, "Of Studies," is related to our professional responsibilities and practices. Below is my attempt.

"Studies serve for delight..."
But students are bored,
Forced to sit in a hard desk,
Unable to move around, exercise their minds.

"To spend too much time in studies is sloth..."
Yet students spend their days memorizing,
Practicing for tests they must take pass,
Forgetting childhood.

"[Studies] perfect nature and are perfected by experience..."
And though learning molds,
Life challenges and grows,
Leads to questions and (some) answers.

"Read not to contradict and confute; nor to believe and take for granted; nor to find talk and discourse; but to weigh and consider."
But students are force-fed,
Made to read and regurgitate,
Unable to explore and inquire.

"Some books are to be tasted, others to be swallowed, and some few to be chewed and digested..."
Yet students spend their days following,
Reading from an approved list,
Forgetting hunger.

"Reading maketh a full man; conference a ready man; and writing an exact man."
And though STEM has value,
Humanities create critical thinkers and effective communicators,
Leads to reflection and re-purposed perspectives.

Revision

I think revision is the part of writing I most often "forget about." Oh, sure - I teach and preach revision, but when it comes to my own writing, I don't give myself the same wiggle room as I do with my students. I process before I write or speak, so I want my writing - no matter what genre or context - to be perfect, brilliant, effective in communicating the exact message I want to get across. I have a hard time truly understanding the fact that "Revision is hope...forgiveness." I hold such impossibly high personal standards - standards which have been perpetuated with professor praise and high grades - that I often forget the purpose of writing, outside of the pragmatic attempt to convey thought: to learn, to discover, to grow, to cry, to laugh, to become more yourself.

As I was reflecting during Mary Ellen's demo, I realized that when I talk or write about my writing process, I almost exclusively (unless prompted to do otherwise) focus on my academic writing process, what I do when I sit down to write a paper that is required for graduate school or to create a lesson plan due to my principal the next day. Because I have defined my writing self within an academic context for so long, I have forgotten what it means for me to write in other ways. I don't know what I do to prepare for writing a memoir piece or other creative nonfiction piece because I so rarely do. I'm not sure what revising would look like outside of a literary analysis or reflective practice piece because my writing is so often in one of those academic boxes. I consider myself to be a writer, but only to the extent that I can push out an "A" paper on the use of the Yiddish language in Maus in 24 hours.

During SI, I am hoping to continuously challenge myself to write outside of my comfort zone, to reconnect with my roots as an expressive writer with something worth saying. I really want to work to become a writer that I can be proud of, a writer my students can be proud of...but there I go again with the "recognition" motif. Obviously, I am still very much caught up in my perfectionist English Studies bubble. But is that a bad thing? Do I have to write creatively to consider myself a true writer? Maybe I am limiting myself to a single story about writers. My mind is going a bit crazy...

My Digital Project

Below are two links. The first is to my Storify narrative, which is interactive. The second is a screencast I recorded explaining the significance of each Storify element. I would love to hear your thoughts - thanks for reading/listening!

Storify - Literacy Journey

Writing My Memoir

I think I have discovered a type of writing (outside of my academic comfort zone) that I actually enjoy and want to pursue! During Jashonai's demo, I really identified with the texts she chose for our reflective writing; "My Name" and "My Father and the Figtree" were particularly moving and memorable. I was reminded of so many moments in my past, with my family, that are near and dear to my heart. My first freewrite focused on my love-hate relationship with Sarah, a name that has beautiful meaning and history but is also extremely popular and therefore, in my mind, un-unique. "My Father" reminded me of climbing a magnolia tree in my grandparents' yard when I was young, playing war with my brother and cousins as we threw the magnolia pods at one another and attempted to capture the tree for our team.


As I mentioned in my previous blog post, I have not considered myself to be a true writer for quite some time. Yes, I am great at analyzing literature and writing an analysis, and I can kick a lesson plan or reflection in the butt. But, I have been intimidated by creative writing for a variety of reasons. I think that having a piece to inspire my thinking really helps me to want to write, to capture the memories that are locked inside. Writing from my personal life has always been easier than creating a new world on my own. I am considering making a switch for my institute piece. Jashonai's demo really pushed me to write outside of my norm, to share more of myself with the world around me. Maybe this activity - and the subsequent pieces I plan to create - will help me to overcome my fear and anxiety about giving more than my academic, student self to my writing. 

Institute Piece Draft

Okay, my awesome writing group, below are two different takes on the same potential blog - a blog that my friends have encouraged me to write for some time about my dog, Kal-El. The first perspective is obviously my dog's; the second reflects a more narrative approach from my point of view. I would love to hear your feedback about each perspective and how I can add to the entries to make them more engaging. Thanks!

My tail feels weird. I can’t really make it stand up. It feels tired. Momma says that I have Limber Tail Syndrome - whatever that is. Papa keeps touching my tail and following me around with his small flippy, shiny thing that has numbers and a little light on it, telling me to hold still. I think I swam too much yesterday. The water was warm, but I was tired. Momma and Papa were being lazy on the beach, and John and Aaryn were swimming far out in the water, so I had to keep going back and forth - people get jealous when you don't spend enough time with them...Why doesn’t that small gray creature at John and Aaryn’s house like me? What is that small gray creature? It doesn't smell like a dog, but I couldn’t get close enough to sniff its butt, so I don’t know what it is. It made weird sounds that I can’t repeat...

So, Kal-El, my adorable mutt, has decided to fall apart. He has an allergy to chicken and started exhibiting some of the symptoms last week, despite being fine for about a year now. When I took him to the vet, I found out he had colonitis. He doesn’t need to change his diet at this point; he simply has to take an anti-inflammatory, an antibiotic, and Pepcid. Yes, that’s right - Pepcid, for humans. I had to go to Target to buy my dog Pepcid, to reduce the acid in his stomach. Then, on Sunday, after a weekend of camping and swimming with friends, he suddenly had a limp tail - by that I mean a tail that looks like a limp noodle, that does not move or wag or show emotion. Needless to say, Chad (my husband) and I freaked out a bit. Kal-El has a unique, very strong - and hilarious - personality, so for him to not have a tail to reflect that was alarming. When his tail had the same limp look on Monday, I did a little bit of research. When I googled “dog with limp tail,” I found several articles about Limber Tail Syndrome. Looks like my dog now has both colonitis and Limber Tail Syndrome. Luckily, both are temporary issues, but come on...he's only three...

Reflection on Oral Histories

Today, Kendra, Tonya, and I got together to record our oral histories. I spoke first, and Kendra (attempted) to record me on her cell phone. After some technical difficulties, we managed to capture my history in three different short videos. I am interested to see how it turned out; my transitions and tone/voice are going to be a bit off. Talking on camera is not something I enjoy, especially since I tend to be self-conscious. I think recording myself is a bit frightening because a video seems so permanent. I like to have to ability to self-edit, to revise as I go, which I know is possible with videos, but in the moment, I am overwhelmed. I like to think and process before I speak (or write), to completely work things out before I share my thoughts. Obviously, video-recording only allows a certain amount of that.

What was most interesting about our recording session, however, was not the process or the actual stories that Tonya, Kendra, and I told. I most enjoyed the conversation we had afterward, as we reflected on our stories and why we write (or don't write) the way we do. Kendra mentioned that she often feels like a writing teacher fraud because she does not write as much outside of class as she feels she should. I immediately jumped in and confirmed her feeling as one of my own. I often do not practice what I preach. I know that writing is a process, something that takes time and effort, something that requires messy attempts and bad attempts and totally-lost attempts. Kendra and I most frequently write for academic purposes, and we both shared a feeling of discomfort at having to write creatively, especially fiction. Though we both wrote creatively when we were younger, we have grown accustomed to being in academic, analytical mode - as Tonya pointed out, it is our writing comfort zone. I admit that I sometimes don't write because I fear failure, because I do like to have a relatively polished product before I share it with the world. I need to be willing to write just to write, to use my Daybook as a true kitchen junk drawer. Tonya challenged Kendra and I to really think of ourselves as writers simply because we write - maybe not in the "single story" picture of a writer, but we do write. Thanks to Kendra and Tonya for being so willing to discuss our more personal emotions as teachers and writers!

First Day of SI

Our Murray card activity today proved to me that I wanted to avoid thinking about school or academics or professional development, whenever possible. But, after further reflection, I learned several other things, as well.

When Lil first introduced the Murray cards, I was excited. I have used the strategy before (both as a student and a teacher) and enjoy having some focused freewriting time. When Lil asked us to list some areas of expertise, I started with "teaching of writing." However, my list quickly shifted to much more personal thoughts, including "organization and cleaning," "listening," and "baking." When Lil asked us to freewrite on one of our topics, I first chose my husband. I felt a bit silly, but I wrote about my knowledge of both him and, consequently, his areas of interest, which include Notre Dame football and Lord of the Rings (topics I now have a new understanding of and respect for). On my green card, I wrote about my home state of Virginia, focusing mostly on its history. I switched my topic again on the purple card to discuss my knowledge and love of dogs. This was the only topic I continued to write about on a second card.

As I was talking with my partner and reflecting on the activity, I realized several things:
1) My brain is tired from finishing a Summer I lit course last Wednesday. I wanted to write about something other than reading and writing, something that had meaning to me outside of "school." My students need to have that same freedom.
2) Though I define myself and form my identity largely through my academic success, there are many other areas in which I have expertise. I am much more than a student and a teacher.
3) When I do not know what the outcome or product is "supposed" to be (assuming that Lil had an agenda), I am hesitant (unwilling?) to commit to one idea, leaving room for revision and switching throughout the activity. Even when I am writing something personal and sharing with only one other person, I still have anxiety about perfection and "making the grade."

NWP Summer Orientation

I am excited that the UNCC WP Summer Institute is encouraging inquiry and the search for answers (or more questions?). My burning question(s) might be worded as: How can teachers break down barriers and build bridges among disciplines? How can ELA teachers encourage writing across curricula and reinforce/question/explore different audience and genre expectations/conventions?

I have been wrestling with this question for years now. During one of our small group sessions, I was able to trace my journey with this question as my constant companion in my Daybook (see first picture). I grew up traveling and enjoying a variety of cultural and educational experiences. In college, I double-majored and was constantly trying to balance and connect my two passions of history and literature/language. I taught English in a STEM Academy, forcing me to consider all of the other core subjects in addition to my own. And, as I have come to realize, I hate being forced to think inside of a box, even a disciplinary one! Even at the graduate level, I have struggled trying to decide if I want to pursue literature or rhet/comp as my M.A. emphasis, simply because I don't want to have to make a choice - why can't I do both?

All of these mile markers on my journey have led me to my burning questions about cross-curricula learning and writing. I am wondering why such differences across disciplines exist (though I do have some thoughts about this question), but more importantly, I want to know if those differences can be challenged or if we, as ELA teachers, need to help support and reinforce those differences while, at the same time, questioning and exploring ways to make connections with other subjects. Why is it that ELA teachers are responsible for all things communication, especially writing? Why do CCSS expect ELA teachers to teach all formatting styles? Shouldn't APA be taught in a psych class? Turabian and Chicago in a social studies class? Different courses expect different conventions, and yet English is seen as the "catch-all" for such skills. Why does this disconnect exist? And what can we do about it?

As we were searching on Twitter during another orientation session, I noticed some interesting results popping up when I used "crossing borders" as my phrase (see second picture). While there were two genre-crossing tweets, many of the results had to do with immigration and traveling. I was fascinated with these ideas because I have always loved to travel and because I enjoy working with ELL students. When talking with Debarati (another FYW instructor) earlier this year, I realized that my burning questions had a lot to do with "placelessness." The idea of crossing borders - whether physically or figuratively - helps to focus my thinking and inquiry around movement and identity as they relate to "place." I am so excited to continue questioning and exploring with some wonderfully-insightful peers and mentors this summer!