Today, Kendra, Tonya, and I got together to record our oral histories. I spoke first, and Kendra (attempted) to record me on her cell phone. After some technical difficulties, we managed to capture my history in three different short videos. I am interested to see how it turned out; my transitions and tone/voice are going to be a bit off. Talking on camera is not something I enjoy, especially since I tend to be self-conscious. I think recording myself is a bit frightening because a video seems so permanent. I like to have to ability to self-edit, to revise as I go, which I know is possible with videos, but in the moment, I am overwhelmed. I like to think and process before I speak (or write), to completely work things out before I share my thoughts. Obviously, video-recording only allows a certain amount of that.
What was most interesting about our recording session, however, was not the process or the actual stories that Tonya, Kendra, and I told. I most enjoyed the conversation we had afterward, as we reflected on our stories and why we write (or don't write) the way we do. Kendra mentioned that she often feels like a writing teacher fraud because she does not write as much outside of class as she feels she should. I immediately jumped in and confirmed her feeling as one of my own. I often do not practice what I preach. I know that writing is a process, something that takes time and effort, something that requires messy attempts and bad attempts and totally-lost attempts. Kendra and I most frequently write for academic purposes, and we both shared a feeling of discomfort at having to write creatively, especially fiction. Though we both wrote creatively when we were younger, we have grown accustomed to being in academic, analytical mode - as Tonya pointed out, it is our writing comfort zone. I admit that I sometimes don't write because I fear failure, because I do like to have a relatively polished product before I share it with the world. I need to be willing to write just to write, to use my Daybook as a true kitchen junk drawer. Tonya challenged Kendra and I to really think of ourselves as writers simply because we write - maybe not in the "single story" picture of a writer, but we do write. Thanks to Kendra and Tonya for being so willing to discuss our more personal emotions as teachers and writers!
Sarah, you are totally echoing something here that I was reflecting on with Lil and Steve this afternoon... as I did a long circuit through the halls during our oral history time today (so as not to cross through the recording path of one group) I had this moment to notice and hear little tidbits of all these different group conversations. Some people were actually recording oral histories. Others though were talking about demos, pointing out something on a phone or device or just chatting. I came back to 135 with this feeling that there was this zapping of connections happening around me. Glad you had the same feeling.
ReplyDeleteMary Ellen and I also talked about how we felt like we should devote more of our time to writing outside of class. I feel that same kind of anxiety about sharing pieces or even bits of pieces that feel unfinished and messy.
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